Numb.

I tried to catch up seemed to be not enough to actually be on that spot. I don't want this to be another failure, I can't accept defeat so easy. I want to try to do everything that I can, I want to fight, I want to prove you wrong, I just don't want to give it all up.

After a week of crying and venting it all out, I realized that I just don't want this to end so easy. I at least want to try to fight what I want him to feel. He was cold all along, we weren't really fine despite of trying to cheer and warm things up. I know, it wasn't that easy yet I tried to be calm about it, understanding that the thing that we've gone through was a tough one. I want to make myself be patient and to stop all the pessimism, after all I've been the person who always looks at the brighter side of everything, it worked for me for a long time and hoping that this time around it will too. Days went by, just as gloomy and cold like the other. Then it came up to my senses, I thought I was so close to actually reaching it but when we got there, I'm not even halfway.

After a while I thought of surprises, I thought of giving in, I thought I didn't know what I was doing, I felt weakness inside, it felt a bit insane, it drove me crazy to the point that everything that I was trying to do didn't made sense to him, I thought I was pointless, I thought I had no choice. I thought that maybe, the more I hurt myself the more everything will sink in, I was pretty overwhelmed that everything that I was trying to do didn't appealed anything to him. Then again, it tore me to pieces. It just keeps on tearing me apart.

Until when will I cry, when will I try, when will I hurt myself, when will I learn to love myself first. It wasn't easy, it's really tough but I know myself. I know I don't give up easily, I know I try to exhaust everything that I can to be there, to get it. I should not give up this time, not this time around. It gave me strength on the start yet always leaves me wounded and hurt and pain in the end. When will I learn. I know myself on handling something like this, I've been in a series of break-ups and heartaches. I would've known better.

Like a normal person, I know I get tired too. I get tired of fixing broken things, tired of understanding vague scenarios, just tired of solving. I need a break as well. I'll go on and face this battle, I'll let you decide on things.. I know someday I'll be fed up but just this time around I'll let this pass.

Torn to pieces-- Speechless.

How to start all over again. How do you know when to stop. How do you get up and move forward. When will you know that it's just over?
Silence. I want to scream but I seemed to be mute, I want to see the but I'm blind, I want to touch yet I have no hands to touch with. As much as I want to walk away, my feet seemed to be stable and I just can't move. I don't know how to begin this. After 3 years and 5 months of love, tears, laughter and pure nothingness, everything ends, in a blink of an eye. Everything fades, just gone. Moving forward. Who says it's going to be easy in the first place? It's about crying and venting it all out, forgetting the pain and keeping the happy and good memories as you go on. Sounds so damn easy, hope it was as easy like the break-up. A 30 minute text that ended everything that you tried to fight for, treasured and kept while the process of moving on takes weeks, months and worse, years. But nonetheless, as you go on and take the journey alone, you become stronger, wiser and better. Cause somewhere inside of you, you know that the wounds will heal, everything will pass and you'll learn how to go on and face everything on your own.

But for now, I'll leave my heart wounded. It will learn to beat on it's own, someday. I'm taking my chance of survival not knowing how long it will take. Accompanied by tears, fake smiles and a torn heart..To the happy memories and unchanging love, I will get by.

Ready, set.. Go?

In this race of life, there are a lot of fouls, rebounds and breaks that you have to pass through, are you ready for it? The best things in life, really don't come for free. It's great to feel that all you need is there, whether it is someone or it is something. But for some, they strive for what they need and want to be able to pursue it. It's difficult, yes. All the struggles that you'll be going through. The pain and the desire to just give it up when it doesn't fall into place. Failures.

You just keep on trying but you can't seem to reach it. Those humps that may leave you wounded. Hah, talking about how life can be so undeniably tricky. A series of ups and downs, of pulls back and forth. Sometimes all you have left to hold onto is what keeps you breathing to keep you motivated, that silent torture. You don't really know how it will turn out but you still try to keep moving forward even you're slowly dying not knowing how and when. Because you always have to be reminded that you've got opponents behind you and you just can't afford to lose.

For now, you just have to be patient. It's a long journey to go and who knows what's in stall at the end.. After all, the best things in life, they don't come for free. You may lose a hundred times but you may still gather yourself up cause this race, only comes once in a lifetime, seize it.

Worth the wait..

LOVE ♥ Haha! Practically the most favorite topic of all time, right? But yea, what is it? According to an online dictionary "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." -- right! :)
But one way or another people has their own perception and beliefs. As for me? I have fallen, is falling and will be falling in-love. ;) Not everyone is blessed to have this oh-so-romantic relationships, some are blindly holding onto something that they're not even sure of, they stick to the thing that made them held on for so long, regardless of what kind of torture they're going through, it's love that kept them alive.

It's such a nice yet difficult feeling. It's very outstretched yet captivating. It's risky yet accommodating. No but's, why's and how's, just plain happiness. You won't drown yourself thinking if it's something that will last 'cause you'll just feel it coming. every time you're together, every moment spent with each other. It may not be fairytale-like but hey, it's something that you could keep and hold onto when everything else is falling apart.

I've got my own share of relationships, failures and perhaps, happiness. It's just always about moving forward, slowing down.. It can wait, surely will. :) And upon waiting, I finally said "Ito na 'to.." My 2year and 5month relationship, not bad ey? Yes and I'm still looking forward to greater things that's yet to come. :D Hehehe. Cause it's one of the pricelss pleasure that I have, a thing that I can't afford losing.. A thing that I'd keep and cherish.. ♥